My life had been very difficult from my childhood and at the same
time, it was very comfortable too. I was such a child whose every
uttered word was fulfilled so i can call it a normal childhood but
still i believe that there unforgettable times even in a normal life.
Its the same with me. There are such times in my life that i can never
ever forget. Those images, those words, the people, the sounds, the
scenes all are sewed in my memories.
Out of those unforgettable times, nights are the most important and
dominant only because of my illness.
I used to remain very very ill in my childhood. Out of twelve months,
i used to remain healthy for five months and other seven months, i was
always & always ill. And in those times, some of the nights are
'memories forever' for me.
When i was very very young when i was a newcomer in this world, my
grandmother used to look after me. I was too young so i don't remember
everything exactly of that phase of my life as my mother says i was 6
days old when i had a first asthma attack. So obviously i don't
remember that time that what exactly happened to me and how i
survived. Then comes the phase of my life when i was about 4 to 5
years old. The images of that time are a bit blurred but still there
are some images in my mind that are mostly of nights. THE NIGHTS! The
dim light of smallest red color bulb. I remember all the things in
that light. The room setting, my combined bed with grandmother, my
medicine at one side of the room, my trunk that was kept beneath the
bed and it was always filled with 'mitchells' candies, my pencils,
rubber and sharpeners, my little school bag and obviously my
grandmother who used to wake me up thrice in those nights and take me
washroom so that i don't spoil the bed. I didn't like it at that time
and used to show so much attitude and mood while going there and even
coming back but she was so humble and kind that she never minded. She
used to remain awake all the nights with me whenever i caught cold or
had asthma. My winter nights were always very horrible. I used to have
so many sweaters and jumpers even when i was in blanket. I hated that
time when i was given steam and kept covered for the next atleast
fifteen minutes. But obviously it was for my betterment.
Then comes the third phase of my life when my pupho (Hajra's mother)
was my caretaker after my "daadi amman's" death. These memories are
more clearer. I used to have very bad cough throughout the night. All
the cousins used to get much irritated from it. My pupho used to sleep
with me in a separate room for some specific reasons 1. To keep me
away from AC in summers or to keep the heaters on for me. 2. So that
all others don't get disturbed by my loud cough and other sick voices
:-P because i always call my grandmother in pain and still i do the
same. unlike others i don't say ami!!! Or mama!!! In shock or pain i
still call amman g!!! Because my grandmother was the first person who
solved all my problems and the feelings of her touch of affection are
still saved in me.
I remember my cousin amna baji used to get so irritated from my
sickness that once or twice at night she sticked the bottle of syrup
with my mouth when pupho wasn't there. She never allowed me to eat
rice or any such thing. She was so strict with me. I used to fear her
like nothing else. Its from my childhood that i choose sweet things
for me. No lemon, no cold drinks, Nothing spicy or sour was allowed
to me. I always used to have 'parhezi khaana' but still i never
recovered fully. Yakhni, soup, biscuits were my diet or the chocolates
(at school from my pocket money). Doctors always explained my mother,
my grandma and pupho that i'll be getting better with the passage of
time i.e. Age factor is involved in recovering and i always wanted to
grow old asap. I wanted the time to run fast so that i become a normal
girl. Free from any sickness.
Then comes the next phase when i went hostel. I spent the toughest
time there. I remember once i got very seriously ill at night but only
sid and zebi were with me. I was badly vomiting, had high fever but
there was no one who could take me to the doctor at 1o'clock. I
remember i forced sid to go and call ami. She told me very kindly that
its too late but i insisted her to tell ami to come soon. I knew sid
can't go pco at this time but i was in so much pain that i was
fighting with her. She remained very loving. I salute her patience for
that night and at 5am, she jumped the gate and went at the nearby
neighbours to call ami and i still remember my mother arrived there at
6am. My all hostel mates were so caring and loving i cant return them
throughout my life.
Then comes the time when i came university. The first year was too
much difficult for me. I suffered the most severe asthma attack in a
hostel at harley street. All the girls were sure i'm gonna die but
still i survived!!! ;-)
my warden was so worried. She didn't know what to do. She kept
listening my "amman g" all the night...
