And the next day she came to me in astonishment. I didn't know she
heard me all the night. She said girl i was so scared that you can
pass any time. You're really very strong. Aysha was the one who had
been very very very caring that time. No matter what what i do for
her, I can never return her for that time. I didn't go university for
so many days.
Whenever i'm ill, i call my parents from hostel that i'm ill, they
both turn very upset. I remember when my friends told my parents about
my sickness, abu was shouting at phone 'ye meri beti kisi ki bat to
maan hi nahin sakti na. Mene isko bohat mana kiya tha k lahore college
hi thik he. Pindi itna door mat jao. Yahan hamari jan azaab me ai
rehti he' and at the end he said slowly 'is ko kahin le jao beta. Is
ka khayal rakhna'. I was shifted at baray abu's home for a week. Met a
police physician there who advised me tablet "montika" for allergy.
And banned my morning and evening walk because he said pollen are very
active at those times. That tablet remained very effective and his
advise too.
I remember the days when i was kept in sunlight for the whole days. I
was given bath after weeks. I used to wear double caps and jackets in
school. Over packed as compared to other kids. Even from my childhood,
i remembered the names of my medicine and my doctors. Ami sometimes
tell me how i pronounced some of my medicine. Ventolin was usually
given to me for my breathing. Then Butamin. Nebulizing was regular.
Inhaler was in my pocket all the time. Strepsils is the most chewed
toffee. Erythrocine, hydrillin, benadryll, phanergan were all time
syrups with me. I'm much thankful to Allah that i'm much recovered
now. But i can't forget the nights when i used to have even five
pillows under my neck to ease my breaths.
I didn't let ami and pupho all the night. Even didn't let them turn
their face. I forced them to keep their eyes open and keep their face
on my side. If they slept, i woke them up again.
Some funny incidents are also linked with my illness. Once i remember
pupho took me to the doctor (his name was asghar) and fortunately i
got some time to talk with him in loneliness. I told him that no one
allows me to eat my favorite food. They all stop me from eating
whatever i like. I cant drink tasteless 'yakhni' all the time
secondly, they dont let me play (i always was stopped from touching
mud or clay because its cold in winters but i was always attracted
towards it). And he was very nice. He advised my pupho that i'll
recover soon if i'll be given my desired food ato eat :-) :-) :-) and
allowed to do what i want. I remember that day was very lucky for me
pupho took me for shopping and i was given whatever i pointed :-) i
was allowed to eat all the fried things and everyone wondered that i
really recovered soon that time :-) abu says that he never remained
that much worried for anything else. You're my baby who made me think
too much. He used to keep thinking for hours when i got my foot
operated due to clots in it. I couldn't walk. I lost the charms of so
many functions of my family. At even fatima baji's wedding i was ill.
I wore highnecks with lehangd :D :D
everyone praise me that i'm a brave girl i fought for so long with my
illness. But i think its not my bravery. Its just life. I had to
remain alive because i had to spend the written days of my life. . .
I'm happy that i don't get that much ill now there're many factors for
that. My care, my age, the anti allergic tablet. The cleaner
environment in Pindi & islamabad. Small cuts or wounds aren't a
problem for me now. I can take big capsules. I take so much care of me
specially when i'm at hostel. Thats the reason i think that i don't
get much ill there and when i come home, i turn so careless like these
days so i'm ill again. I had been eating 'achaar' (pickle) when there
was no one to stop me! But i'm planning to really stop being careless
because otherwise this 'bimari' wont leave me
Saturday, October 24, 2009
My illness and me
My life had been very difficult from my childhood and at the same
time, it was very comfortable too. I was such a child whose every
uttered word was fulfilled so i can call it a normal childhood but
still i believe that there unforgettable times even in a normal life.
Its the same with me. There are such times in my life that i can never
ever forget. Those images, those words, the people, the sounds, the
scenes all are sewed in my memories.
Out of those unforgettable times, nights are the most important and
dominant only because of my illness.
I used to remain very very ill in my childhood. Out of twelve months,
i used to remain healthy for five months and other seven months, i was
always & always ill. And in those times, some of the nights are
'memories forever' for me.
When i was very very young when i was a newcomer in this world, my
grandmother used to look after me. I was too young so i don't remember
everything exactly of that phase of my life as my mother says i was 6
days old when i had a first asthma attack. So obviously i don't
remember that time that what exactly happened to me and how i
survived. Then comes the phase of my life when i was about 4 to 5
years old. The images of that time are a bit blurred but still there
are some images in my mind that are mostly of nights. THE NIGHTS! The
dim light of smallest red color bulb. I remember all the things in
that light. The room setting, my combined bed with grandmother, my
medicine at one side of the room, my trunk that was kept beneath the
bed and it was always filled with 'mitchells' candies, my pencils,
rubber and sharpeners, my little school bag and obviously my
grandmother who used to wake me up thrice in those nights and take me
washroom so that i don't spoil the bed. I didn't like it at that time
and used to show so much attitude and mood while going there and even
coming back but she was so humble and kind that she never minded. She
used to remain awake all the nights with me whenever i caught cold or
had asthma. My winter nights were always very horrible. I used to have
so many sweaters and jumpers even when i was in blanket. I hated that
time when i was given steam and kept covered for the next atleast
fifteen minutes. But obviously it was for my betterment.
Then comes the third phase of my life when my pupho (Hajra's mother)
was my caretaker after my "daadi amman's" death. These memories are
more clearer. I used to have very bad cough throughout the night. All
the cousins used to get much irritated from it. My pupho used to sleep
with me in a separate room for some specific reasons 1. To keep me
away from AC in summers or to keep the heaters on for me. 2. So that
all others don't get disturbed by my loud cough and other sick voices
:-P because i always call my grandmother in pain and still i do the
same. unlike others i don't say ami!!! Or mama!!! In shock or pain i
still call amman g!!! Because my grandmother was the first person who
solved all my problems and the feelings of her touch of affection are
still saved in me.
I remember my cousin amna baji used to get so irritated from my
sickness that once or twice at night she sticked the bottle of syrup
with my mouth when pupho wasn't there. She never allowed me to eat
rice or any such thing. She was so strict with me. I used to fear her
like nothing else. Its from my childhood that i choose sweet things
for me. No lemon, no cold drinks, Nothing spicy or sour was allowed
to me. I always used to have 'parhezi khaana' but still i never
recovered fully. Yakhni, soup, biscuits were my diet or the chocolates
(at school from my pocket money). Doctors always explained my mother,
my grandma and pupho that i'll be getting better with the passage of
time i.e. Age factor is involved in recovering and i always wanted to
grow old asap. I wanted the time to run fast so that i become a normal
girl. Free from any sickness.
Then comes the next phase when i went hostel. I spent the toughest
time there. I remember once i got very seriously ill at night but only
sid and zebi were with me. I was badly vomiting, had high fever but
there was no one who could take me to the doctor at 1o'clock. I
remember i forced sid to go and call ami. She told me very kindly that
its too late but i insisted her to tell ami to come soon. I knew sid
can't go pco at this time but i was in so much pain that i was
fighting with her. She remained very loving. I salute her patience for
that night and at 5am, she jumped the gate and went at the nearby
neighbours to call ami and i still remember my mother arrived there at
6am. My all hostel mates were so caring and loving i cant return them
throughout my life.
Then comes the time when i came university. The first year was too
much difficult for me. I suffered the most severe asthma attack in a
hostel at harley street. All the girls were sure i'm gonna die but
still i survived!!! ;-)
my warden was so worried. She didn't know what to do. She kept
listening my "amman g" all the night...
time, it was very comfortable too. I was such a child whose every
uttered word was fulfilled so i can call it a normal childhood but
still i believe that there unforgettable times even in a normal life.
Its the same with me. There are such times in my life that i can never
ever forget. Those images, those words, the people, the sounds, the
scenes all are sewed in my memories.
Out of those unforgettable times, nights are the most important and
dominant only because of my illness.
I used to remain very very ill in my childhood. Out of twelve months,
i used to remain healthy for five months and other seven months, i was
always & always ill. And in those times, some of the nights are
'memories forever' for me.
When i was very very young when i was a newcomer in this world, my
grandmother used to look after me. I was too young so i don't remember
everything exactly of that phase of my life as my mother says i was 6
days old when i had a first asthma attack. So obviously i don't
remember that time that what exactly happened to me and how i
survived. Then comes the phase of my life when i was about 4 to 5
years old. The images of that time are a bit blurred but still there
are some images in my mind that are mostly of nights. THE NIGHTS! The
dim light of smallest red color bulb. I remember all the things in
that light. The room setting, my combined bed with grandmother, my
medicine at one side of the room, my trunk that was kept beneath the
bed and it was always filled with 'mitchells' candies, my pencils,
rubber and sharpeners, my little school bag and obviously my
grandmother who used to wake me up thrice in those nights and take me
washroom so that i don't spoil the bed. I didn't like it at that time
and used to show so much attitude and mood while going there and even
coming back but she was so humble and kind that she never minded. She
used to remain awake all the nights with me whenever i caught cold or
had asthma. My winter nights were always very horrible. I used to have
so many sweaters and jumpers even when i was in blanket. I hated that
time when i was given steam and kept covered for the next atleast
fifteen minutes. But obviously it was for my betterment.
Then comes the third phase of my life when my pupho (Hajra's mother)
was my caretaker after my "daadi amman's" death. These memories are
more clearer. I used to have very bad cough throughout the night. All
the cousins used to get much irritated from it. My pupho used to sleep
with me in a separate room for some specific reasons 1. To keep me
away from AC in summers or to keep the heaters on for me. 2. So that
all others don't get disturbed by my loud cough and other sick voices
:-P because i always call my grandmother in pain and still i do the
same. unlike others i don't say ami!!! Or mama!!! In shock or pain i
still call amman g!!! Because my grandmother was the first person who
solved all my problems and the feelings of her touch of affection are
still saved in me.
I remember my cousin amna baji used to get so irritated from my
sickness that once or twice at night she sticked the bottle of syrup
with my mouth when pupho wasn't there. She never allowed me to eat
rice or any such thing. She was so strict with me. I used to fear her
like nothing else. Its from my childhood that i choose sweet things
for me. No lemon, no cold drinks, Nothing spicy or sour was allowed
to me. I always used to have 'parhezi khaana' but still i never
recovered fully. Yakhni, soup, biscuits were my diet or the chocolates
(at school from my pocket money). Doctors always explained my mother,
my grandma and pupho that i'll be getting better with the passage of
time i.e. Age factor is involved in recovering and i always wanted to
grow old asap. I wanted the time to run fast so that i become a normal
girl. Free from any sickness.
Then comes the next phase when i went hostel. I spent the toughest
time there. I remember once i got very seriously ill at night but only
sid and zebi were with me. I was badly vomiting, had high fever but
there was no one who could take me to the doctor at 1o'clock. I
remember i forced sid to go and call ami. She told me very kindly that
its too late but i insisted her to tell ami to come soon. I knew sid
can't go pco at this time but i was in so much pain that i was
fighting with her. She remained very loving. I salute her patience for
that night and at 5am, she jumped the gate and went at the nearby
neighbours to call ami and i still remember my mother arrived there at
6am. My all hostel mates were so caring and loving i cant return them
throughout my life.
Then comes the time when i came university. The first year was too
much difficult for me. I suffered the most severe asthma attack in a
hostel at harley street. All the girls were sure i'm gonna die but
still i survived!!! ;-)
my warden was so worried. She didn't know what to do. She kept
listening my "amman g" all the night...
Desire
In urdu language, the line 'hazaron khawahishen aisi' is used very
often. I think the same that 'hazaron khawahishen aisi k har khawahish
pe dam nikle' but i also believe that there always is a special wish
in every heart. Special wish is something extraordinary for me.
I don't have thousands of wishes, i've thousand bundles of wishes.
Some wishes are very special e.g. If i talk about my thoughts to go
somewhere, i really wish to go canada, switzerland or even iceland.
There are many reasons but most important is that i'm always attracted
towards cold areas. I love to live in ice. Snow fall is my weakness.
But one special dream or desire that is dominant out of them all is
that i actually see 'niagara falls' with my eyes. That place is my
dream spot. I've dreamt it many times. I've seen it many times in
images. But i wanna hear that water fall in real. I hope this wish
will come true. Even if it doesn't, i've no complains to Almighty
Allah and if i go there, it'll be a "dream coming true"
often. I think the same that 'hazaron khawahishen aisi k har khawahish
pe dam nikle' but i also believe that there always is a special wish
in every heart. Special wish is something extraordinary for me.
I don't have thousands of wishes, i've thousand bundles of wishes.
Some wishes are very special e.g. If i talk about my thoughts to go
somewhere, i really wish to go canada, switzerland or even iceland.
There are many reasons but most important is that i'm always attracted
towards cold areas. I love to live in ice. Snow fall is my weakness.
But one special dream or desire that is dominant out of them all is
that i actually see 'niagara falls' with my eyes. That place is my
dream spot. I've dreamt it many times. I've seen it many times in
images. But i wanna hear that water fall in real. I hope this wish
will come true. Even if it doesn't, i've no complains to Almighty
Allah and if i go there, it'll be a "dream coming true"
A word
i can say they know how they should react to a mannered behavior. No
doubt everyone likes it when someone is much disciplined or shows you
some respect. But i am so astonished at a wonderful reaction by this
small girl. I call her 'choto'. Even everyone calls her with this
name.
I asked her that whats your real name and it took me 5 minutes to
understand that her real name is 'irum' because i got confused in irum
and kiran. She's working at my pupho's home. She's too small to do
households or any other heavy stuff. So she's kept just to sit beside
the baby 'raameen' when all are busy. So that if she cries, 'choto'
should inform us that the baby is crying. Since i came here, i was
observing her. She's very loving child. I asked my cousin about her
details and she told me that her mother has died. About two years ago
and they're 4 sisters. No one was there to look after them secondly,
they are poor so they're appointed as workers at different areas by
their father. I always used to pass smile whenever i saw her. And her
full smile reply was already there.
I had been very ill in the last few days and she was sitting beside
me. While i was holding the baby. We both were watching tv. I had a
bad cough so i asked her to please fetch me a glass of water. She
hurried to kitchen and brought that. As a response, i said 'thank
youuuuu' and she again smiled :-) i smiled too.
She got so happy from a single words of 'thanks' that whenever i'm
doing something, she comes to me and asks thousands of things. Do you
need this? Should i bring that? And once or twice i said yes. And i
realized that she does that only because she wants to listen 'thank
you' or 'shabash' or 'very good' along with a smile.
I really like her too much. No one can bring back her mother so i try
to love her as much as i can. It comforts me like nothing else. When i
called her to have a photograph, no one can measure her excitement at
that time. She was extremely happy. And that really contented me!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Me
Wo awwal or me aakhir.
Ik tassawur-e-hasad muje us k kareeb hone nh deta
(the lines that i wrote about a month ago. But couldn't arrange, fix,
polish or finish them)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Daily
I get a new pain daily. And at the same time, i get a new idea to
spend my life without some people. Sometimes i feel i can't resist.
But i daily feel that i can live like this. I'll heal soon. Lets see
what happens. Personally i wish not to get indulged in such feelings
again. The reason is that they always end with pain and tears. I won't
chose hell for me once again in front of my eyes!!
Some people are so strong or in other words they are very hard that
they don't care what's happening due to them. So i try not to feel in
my heart for such individuals who caused intense depression for me but
i can't change myself so easily. It'll take time. But obviously i'll
be normal soon. Here i'll quote these urdu lines:
spend my life without some people. Sometimes i feel i can't resist.
But i daily feel that i can live like this. I'll heal soon. Lets see
what happens. Personally i wish not to get indulged in such feelings
again. The reason is that they always end with pain and tears. I won't
chose hell for me once again in front of my eyes!!
Some people are so strong or in other words they are very hard that
they don't care what's happening due to them. So i try not to feel in
my heart for such individuals who caused intense depression for me but
i can't change myself so easily. It'll take time. But obviously i'll
be normal soon. Here i'll quote these urdu lines:
kab koun kisi ka hota he,
sub jhoote rishte naate hen.
Sub dil rakhne ki baten hen,
sub asli roop chupate hen.
Insaaf se khaali log yahan nazron k teer chalate hen.
I know the lines aren't out of world. Neither so hard to understand.
But no doubt very very true!!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Morning!
Its a new day of my life. A new morning. A new sun and most obviously
newest as well as highest hopes!
My life isn't that beautiful, amazing or colorful in these days but i
never lose hope and i never will.
Whenever i open my eyes at morning, there are few things that i must
think daily. Some considerations and hopes are a part of my life now
that i must take into account no matter whatever the issue is. For
example these days i think too much about a friend whom i can't name
here. Secondly, i'm having big dreams to buy some dresses for sid's
wedding. Thirdly, i'm planning much for seroo's wedding. Her wedding
gift. The fun. Then comes the finances. These days i'm facing
financial crises! I remain so restless for my father. He's the man for
whom i remain very very very sensitive. I'm so thankful to him. My all
happiness is linked with him. I wish i could honour him as i dream. He
deserves something extraordinary. I think about my mother. She's a bit
ill. I think about my brother and always pray for him. I'm much
conscious for his near future. I hope my dreams related to him will
come true. I pray for my sister that she spends a happy marital life
and all the things for her wedding must happen as she wants.
To be true i wish nothing for me. I always pray Allah that i put all
my future and decisions upto you. I know Allah will make the things
happen in the best way for me.
Most of all, when i get up, i feel so hungry. I always sleep with the
hope and thoughts that i'll wake up and eat something that i wish.
From all of my meals, breakfast is my favorite and attractive although
there's no specific logic behind this but its a fact. When i open my
eyes, its one of the must thoughts to plan what breakfast i'll be
having today. Or what to eat. I don't like same breakfast always. I
love variations for it. And i like all types of things in my
breakfast. Some people say we like light others say we like heavy
breakfast. I like both. People make wishes for the lunch and dinner
that today i've a mood to eat this or to have these things to change
my taste! But i always demand for breakfast. Obviously sometimes i do
like changes in other foods and usually these are changed daily but
people normally eat same food in breakfast. Sometimes i wish to have
paratha or a yogurt but sometimes i want to eat only weetabix or
oatabix. And even cornflakes. Sometimes i demand halwa puri or i love
to eat a piece of break at times! I tell my mother to make choori for
me and sometimes i like eating bunny's cake. Sometimes i eat chapati
with curry and at times i eat french toasts. The ingredients for my
egg are usually changed. I eat rice too! And all These variations in
wishes for breakfast are based on daily basis. Not after months.
Whenever i wish to go somewhere else for breakfast i convince my
friends to lets go and have a fun time and we really make it happen.
Well, i'm going to have a breakfast now :-) today i wish something
sweet with a cup of tea.
Actually i'm not one of those who are very very active. Although i'm
normal but my boom time comes after breakfast. So i need that now
newest as well as highest hopes!
My life isn't that beautiful, amazing or colorful in these days but i
never lose hope and i never will.
Whenever i open my eyes at morning, there are few things that i must
think daily. Some considerations and hopes are a part of my life now
that i must take into account no matter whatever the issue is. For
example these days i think too much about a friend whom i can't name
here. Secondly, i'm having big dreams to buy some dresses for sid's
wedding. Thirdly, i'm planning much for seroo's wedding. Her wedding
gift. The fun. Then comes the finances. These days i'm facing
financial crises! I remain so restless for my father. He's the man for
whom i remain very very very sensitive. I'm so thankful to him. My all
happiness is linked with him. I wish i could honour him as i dream. He
deserves something extraordinary. I think about my mother. She's a bit
ill. I think about my brother and always pray for him. I'm much
conscious for his near future. I hope my dreams related to him will
come true. I pray for my sister that she spends a happy marital life
and all the things for her wedding must happen as she wants.
To be true i wish nothing for me. I always pray Allah that i put all
my future and decisions upto you. I know Allah will make the things
happen in the best way for me.
Most of all, when i get up, i feel so hungry. I always sleep with the
hope and thoughts that i'll wake up and eat something that i wish.
From all of my meals, breakfast is my favorite and attractive although
there's no specific logic behind this but its a fact. When i open my
eyes, its one of the must thoughts to plan what breakfast i'll be
having today. Or what to eat. I don't like same breakfast always. I
love variations for it. And i like all types of things in my
breakfast. Some people say we like light others say we like heavy
breakfast. I like both. People make wishes for the lunch and dinner
that today i've a mood to eat this or to have these things to change
my taste! But i always demand for breakfast. Obviously sometimes i do
like changes in other foods and usually these are changed daily but
people normally eat same food in breakfast. Sometimes i wish to have
paratha or a yogurt but sometimes i want to eat only weetabix or
oatabix. And even cornflakes. Sometimes i demand halwa puri or i love
to eat a piece of break at times! I tell my mother to make choori for
me and sometimes i like eating bunny's cake. Sometimes i eat chapati
with curry and at times i eat french toasts. The ingredients for my
egg are usually changed. I eat rice too! And all These variations in
wishes for breakfast are based on daily basis. Not after months.
Whenever i wish to go somewhere else for breakfast i convince my
friends to lets go and have a fun time and we really make it happen.
Well, i'm going to have a breakfast now :-) today i wish something
sweet with a cup of tea.
Actually i'm not one of those who are very very active. Although i'm
normal but my boom time comes after breakfast. So i need that now
Its a routine now
Everyone has different life pattern because Allah allots a separate
body to all the humans, so their lives are also varying. Same is with
me. Whenever i sit and think over something, i try to figure out that
why and how this is happening. Specially in these days and then i
always and always conclude only one thing that is: i had to spend such
a life. My life was meant to be like this. And so with the passage of
time, i'm becoming resistant to it. It means changes. I'm just
adopting indifferent behavior which is the worst state according to
ma'am Gul.
The change i'm refering here is basically losing!
Losing someone or something. Whenever such turn comes in my life, i
don't behave as i should. My response is almost zero percent than my
past life.
I was one of those who didn't like much changes in their daily routine
or life. I always used to over react on minor issues (so sleepy. Will
continue tomorrow)
body to all the humans, so their lives are also varying. Same is with
me. Whenever i sit and think over something, i try to figure out that
why and how this is happening. Specially in these days and then i
always and always conclude only one thing that is: i had to spend such
a life. My life was meant to be like this. And so with the passage of
time, i'm becoming resistant to it. It means changes. I'm just
adopting indifferent behavior which is the worst state according to
ma'am Gul.
The change i'm refering here is basically losing!
Losing someone or something. Whenever such turn comes in my life, i
don't behave as i should. My response is almost zero percent than my
past life.
I was one of those who didn't like much changes in their daily routine
or life. I always used to over react on minor issues (so sleepy. Will
continue tomorrow)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tumhen samaj kyun nahin aata??
I think much more than my past and i won't say that i don't know why!!
I know all the reasons. I know it whenever a change occurs in my life.
Even right from the beginning when the change is taking place. Whether
its somewhere around me or within me.
I am so much changed. Thats true. Everyone says that. And the reasons
are millions but most important of them are related to one person who
is too strong, indifferent to everything. At this time, it might be
good and very exciting but in long term, its not much fruitful. I
still pray for that person its not at all a favor. Reality is that i
wish happiness for you.
Now coming to my change, as i already accepted that i'm changed, i
personally i hate that. Its unwanted but i couldn't overcome it.
Whenever i think about the person who's responsible for it, i think
why you don't understand it!! I have been hurt so many times so i am
changed in trying to cope with my unhappy, depressed and guilty
tensions. When something happens again and again and keeps occuring,
its a human nature to try to become resistant to that or become
stronger enough not to face it abnormally. I did the same. I am girl
with a heart that tries to have soft feelings for everyone but it has
to end one day when we're hurt too much. When any of our friends
doesn't care. But some people can never understand that. They've their
own stock of ideas and thoughts for measuring but truth is different.
They don't try to understand it. They remain resistant and i always
think: tumhen samaj kyun nh aata k mera dil dukha he!! Tumhen khud hi
se is bat ki samaj kyun nahin hota k tum ne muje dukh da diya he, gham
khawar kar diya he, mera dil tor diya he muje kahani bana diya he . .
. (continued. . .)
I know all the reasons. I know it whenever a change occurs in my life.
Even right from the beginning when the change is taking place. Whether
its somewhere around me or within me.
I am so much changed. Thats true. Everyone says that. And the reasons
are millions but most important of them are related to one person who
is too strong, indifferent to everything. At this time, it might be
good and very exciting but in long term, its not much fruitful. I
still pray for that person its not at all a favor. Reality is that i
wish happiness for you.
Now coming to my change, as i already accepted that i'm changed, i
personally i hate that. Its unwanted but i couldn't overcome it.
Whenever i think about the person who's responsible for it, i think
why you don't understand it!! I have been hurt so many times so i am
changed in trying to cope with my unhappy, depressed and guilty
tensions. When something happens again and again and keeps occuring,
its a human nature to try to become resistant to that or become
stronger enough not to face it abnormally. I did the same. I am girl
with a heart that tries to have soft feelings for everyone but it has
to end one day when we're hurt too much. When any of our friends
doesn't care. But some people can never understand that. They've their
own stock of ideas and thoughts for measuring but truth is different.
They don't try to understand it. They remain resistant and i always
think: tumhen samaj kyun nh aata k mera dil dukha he!! Tumhen khud hi
se is bat ki samaj kyun nahin hota k tum ne muje dukh da diya he, gham
khawar kar diya he, mera dil tor diya he muje kahani bana diya he . .
. (continued. . .)
My favorite stanza
Wo shakhs phela to meri zeest ka unwaan ban gaya,
or simta to mehaz ik naam me tabdeel ho gaya!!
Poet: Anonymous
Love Note. . .
From the time each of my children started school, i packed their
lunches. And in each lunch i packed, i included a note. Often written
on a napkin, the note might be a thank you for a special moment, a
reminder of something we were happily anticipating. Or a bit of
encouragement for an upcoming test or sporting event.
In early grade school they loved their notes. But as kids grow older
they become more self conscious, and by the time he reached high
school, my older son, Marc, informed me he no longer needed my daily
missives. Informing him that they had been written as much for me as
for him, and that he no longer needed to read them but i still needed
to write them, i continued the tradition the day he graduated.
Six years after high school graduation, marc called and asked if he
could move home for a couple of months. He had spent those years well,
graduating from college, completing two congressional internships and
finally, becoming a legislative assistant with his younger sister
leaving for college, i was especially thrilled to have him coming
home.
A couple weeks after Marc arrived home he was back at work. Since i
was still making lunch everyday for his younger brother, i packed one
for marc, too. Imagine my surprise when i got a call from my 24 years
old son, complaining about his lunch.
"Did i do something wrong?
Aren't i still your kid? Don't you love me any more, Mom?" were just a
few of the queries he threw at me as i laughingly asked him what was
wrong.
My note, mom he answered
where's my note?
From a little spoon full of chicken soup for the mother's soul.
Antoinette kuritz
lunches. And in each lunch i packed, i included a note. Often written
on a napkin, the note might be a thank you for a special moment, a
reminder of something we were happily anticipating. Or a bit of
encouragement for an upcoming test or sporting event.
In early grade school they loved their notes. But as kids grow older
they become more self conscious, and by the time he reached high
school, my older son, Marc, informed me he no longer needed my daily
missives. Informing him that they had been written as much for me as
for him, and that he no longer needed to read them but i still needed
to write them, i continued the tradition the day he graduated.
Six years after high school graduation, marc called and asked if he
could move home for a couple of months. He had spent those years well,
graduating from college, completing two congressional internships and
finally, becoming a legislative assistant with his younger sister
leaving for college, i was especially thrilled to have him coming
home.
A couple weeks after Marc arrived home he was back at work. Since i
was still making lunch everyday for his younger brother, i packed one
for marc, too. Imagine my surprise when i got a call from my 24 years
old son, complaining about his lunch.
"Did i do something wrong?
Aren't i still your kid? Don't you love me any more, Mom?" were just a
few of the queries he threw at me as i laughingly asked him what was
wrong.
My note, mom he answered
where's my note?
From a little spoon full of chicken soup for the mother's soul.
Antoinette kuritz
Follow Me!
Take my hand and follow me
to the place i long to be.
Take my hand and trust my way,
in that place forever stay.
Follow me toward the sand;
we'll run and play, hand in hand.
Take my heart and hold it true;
forever i'll stay close to you.
Seize my words and listen well,
then forever i will tell.
Release your heart and feelings too,
just as i will do for you.
Trust your heard and follow me,
to that place we long to be.
to the place i long to be.
Take my hand and trust my way,
in that place forever stay.
Follow me toward the sand;
we'll run and play, hand in hand.
Take my heart and hold it true;
forever i'll stay close to you.
Seize my words and listen well,
then forever i will tell.
Release your heart and feelings too,
just as i will do for you.
Trust your heard and follow me,
to that place we long to be.
By Michelle Newton
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