Twenty ten ends!

As usual lying on the bed i opened my eyes and searched my cell phone around me. When i found It, i read three texts in my inbox. Both said good morning as usual but the messages were much lengthy mentioning that this is the last day of 2010. Reading them i realised 'Yeah! Its 31st of december'.

A series of memories passed through my thoughts. Like the moving waves. One after the other. Those can't be mentioned because its really not possible to write the happenings of whole year in one post.

If i evaluate the year 2010, it had been very good for me. Twenty ten really gave me many good memories. The most important of them are;

I've done my bachelors :) ,
My brother's engagement <3,
My cousin's nikkah,
Happily spent first year of my sister's wedding <3,
One of my best friends has become a mother,
My cousin became a mother after 4years of her marriage,
A brother (cousin) passed the written exam of CSS,
A friend's attitude turned very positive for which i did alot of struggle & wait with patience,
The maturity in me,
I explored many areas in Pakistan where i never visited before,
Had a very good time with my friends and family,
Last but not least the increase in income of my father! :)

Its very natural phenomenon that positive and negative things keep going side by side. There had been many negative impacts on my life in this year as well. That i obviously can't ignore i.e
My GPA in the last semester was the least as compared to my all other semesters,
I've spent the first year without my sister living with me,
I once again had an asthma attack after about 2.5 years,
I'm living away from my friends with whom i spent 4years,
A fuss created in the family by a feeling-less man,
The veil removed from a friend's face whom i considered my best friend but still i love her,
I lost one year of my young life :p,
And most important, the news that my father has stones in his kidney and he needs to get operated. . . .

Besides all these things, i'm very satisfied from my life (except my father's health). Good & evil, positive & negative, advantages & disadvantages these all make a LIFE. The days, weeks, months, years & decades makes a life & it keeps going no matter what happens to whom. So we should try to make little moments important, happy and full of life. Because we're only given one life to live. It depends on us how we prefer spending it.

At the end i pray on the last friday of the last week of the last month of the last year of the first decade of the first century of second millennium brings alot of happiness and excitement in the future of our lives. We all spend better days than ever. Remain contented and most of all, our Country comes in one of the developed countries in the world. All the issues get resolved specially electricity, pollution and poverty.

Helplessness

At this time of night, there's no purpose of writing this post but my mind is filled with tension so its better to write my feelings somewhere. Although i'm finding no words to express my feelings, but still i'll do.

The overall concentration of my thoughts is occupied by a news i heard today. The news that my father needs to get his kidney operated for the stones in it!!!

About twenty days ago, i was informed that my father has a stone in his kidney. And it was too shocking for me. But i was told so normally as if this is something very usual. Although it might be, but it really trembled me. Being so concerned for him, i started insisting him to go to some kidney specialist. But he was waiting for the 40th day of his bhaabi's death. So that he gets free totally and then start his cure. He did what he wanted. Finally after the 40th day, he went for the x-ray. Which revealed that he has 6stones in the kidney. 1big and 5small. This news was again a shock. Now today, he took the reports to the specialist & he said he needs operation. The stone is too big that it can't be operated with laser. Further he explained that if we want to have the best operation, we should go Karachi. Where the best kidney doctors are available. . .

I know my father. He wont go there. But when i heard this depressing news, i felt so helpless. Its really very hard to see our parents suffering and you can't even comfort them!!

I wish he gets well soon. I'm pushing him to get operation done asap. But the tension is that he's already diabetic patient. Had a bypass operation too! Don't know what will happen now. I still have those painful days in my mind and another such situation aroused. . .

For me, a father is more important than my mother. Not that i don't love her, but the only reason is my attachment with him. Its true i'm more sensitive for him than anything else in the world. He's my hero and my role model. I can't see him tense or in pain. And the concept of losing him is the worst fear ever.

Its a request to all those who read this post to just pray atleast once for my father. Only for some seconds. It'll be the best gift for me ever. Thanks

Check email

Sending from my mobile

--
Sent from my mobile device

dreams (a random writing)

dreams are a part of our lives. Almost every human dreams. So do I.
I dream not only when i sleep but i'm a big day dreamer too. And i
respect my dreams.
For the people around me, i'm not that person what i really am. I
dream big. I think big. I seem non-serious but i'm very serious.
As dreams are usually Strange, so i really sometimes dream impossible
things happening for me. And as a muslim, having strong faith on
Allah, i believe everything can happen for me. All that is possible
upto what i can imagine because i know my tiny thoughts are nothing
for Great Allah. . . .
I pray and hope that possible dreams of every human come true for
their better life. And at the same time, i beg Allah (SWT) to turn
some dreams in reality. . .

a stage

these days i'm very free. Have nothing special or important to do. But
as life keeps Going, my days are passing. . .
I went uni today. It was fun meeting my friends. And some juniors. The
university is same but changed alot for me. Because i feel i'm no more
the student of fjwu. Don't know why but i feel. These feelings are
almost the same as i was newcomer. These feelings push me to think
about my life. When i was a newcomer in this beautiful world, i was
weak. And when i'll get old i'll again be weak. The same way 4years
ago, i was shy and weak. And after doing my bachelors, i'm again weak.
I feel this place isn't mine. . .
This is a very critical stage of my life. I've to plan and decide most
important things. I need to take big steps. I've to chose my future.
To study or to do job or to wait and marry. To be true i'm still
trying to remain away from this fact.
Very blindly i trust Allah that whatever will happen, it'll be good for me. . .

Gurdawara at Nankana sahib

Excitement

I'm so happy end excited that i wanted to share it now :-) and this was the best way to express it.
The reason for this excitement and happiness is the presence of a friend. A very very very important and valuable friend. Whose presence gives me so much pleasure that nothing can alter its ratings.
I really hope it'll continue. I welcome my friend :-)

(my updates will be very regular and consistent now)

mohabbat usay bi thi

Dekha palat k us ne k,

hasrat usay bhi thi...

Hum jis pe mit gaye

mohabbat usay bi thi...

Chup ho gaya tha dekh kar

wo bhi idhar udhar,

Duniya se meri tarha

shikayat usay bhi thi...

Restlessness

Not in a mood to compose my writing very neatly.
Its 9th of ramadan. Sitting On the roof of my hostel. Its about 1am. Although at this time i fear coming on the roof but no fear near me at this time. Its all black around me. Feeling tore. Something is tearing my heart. . . Thoughts don't leave me. Although i remain happy. The colors of life are glittering. There's big increase in the number of my friends but with each passing day i feel left. I feel there's no reason for me to live this life. . .
The weather is really amazing. My favourite moments regarding weather. It seems as if it'll rain. First time in my life i'm getting attracted towards The light sparks at the sky in night. . . But the condition of my heart isn't good enough. Secondly two hour walk was really hectic.
These days i don't like texting. Not much interested in talking and sharing matters with even best friends. The friends with whom i used to share everything.
I'm having the feelings of grown up individual. So its also the reason i don't feel like sharing my issues with others. . . Even a friend had been asking me to update my blogs. But i feel nothing is left to write. I really pray to Allah to give me patience. And thats the only wish which i feel i should make

Just Friends? (dedication to a friend)

(the lines are not written By me but i strongly feel these words are written For me)

I love you more everyday,
My name i long for you to say.

Do you know just how i feel?
Do you know this love is real?

Sometimes I wonder what you think.
When you hear my name, do your cheeks turn pink?

Do you dream about me every night?
Do you think we're meant to be?
Together forever, you and me?

These are the questions that run through my mind,
Your way into my heart you did find.

It drives me crazy as to what i should do,
Should i risk friendship and confess to you?

Or should i keep my feelings inside,
Keep them lockedup, let them hide?

I just don't know what to do anymore,
My heart it aches, my heart it's sore.

I love you more than you could know,
And i don't want to ever let you go.

So even if I'm just a friend,
I'll always love you until the end.

By: LeAnNe

reasons...

us shaguftagi k murjhaanay ki wajoohaat hen kaafi,
is dil k toot jaane k sabab bohat hen.

jo dil me aaya keh daala,
ab zabaan kolagaam k ehal bohat hen.

ishaaray

kehne ko us ne kuch na kaha,
ishaaron me magar baten bohat keen.

muje karne ko or kuch na tha,
ik ik lafz ki magar taabeerain bohat kin.

sunnay ko kuch na tha,
magar samajnay ko bohat kuch.

kuch un-kahay qissay suna daale us ne,
kuch kahi baten un-kahi kar deen.

ye ishaaron ki duniya sa koi kahan zalim he,
pachtaava he gar samjo to, na samjo to bi galti.

ik hi sabak he seekha mene.......
jo bola nahin wo raakh, gar zabaan pe he to mehaz afsana-e-khaak.

har dour me mene khud ko parkha magar,
tashbeeh-o- ishaare ne mujko tabaah kar daala.

ab halat aisi ho gai he koi jo be karle,
yaheek nahin hota zubaani bayaan tak.

haan ye sach he mera,
kehne ka matlab or tha, likhne ka or.

magar karne ka maqsad kuch na tha...
shayed yehi tha ishaaron ka dour.